First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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