Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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