I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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