whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Little spoons don't ask big questions
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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