it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
