i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
