yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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