My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
