what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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