dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
