you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
