you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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