Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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