Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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