If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
