Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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