Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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