No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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