You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i think i just lost a toe
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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