so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
