i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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