My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize