Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
