Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
