I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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