Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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