i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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