I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
