I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
