I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
