Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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