Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
