woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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