No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
