where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
