I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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