Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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