just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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