I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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