I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
