he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
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Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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