I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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