I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
