I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
