Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In other news, I just burned my penis
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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