Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
