how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
