he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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