we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
