you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
