I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
