I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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