You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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