You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
