first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
