Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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