The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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