As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
