Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
