Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
there's paper in my vomit.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
