I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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