Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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