do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
