I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
