If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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