Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my poor anus
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
