My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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