i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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