i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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