Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize