The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
