In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
PANTIES FOUND
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