The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
