We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
