He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
