I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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