and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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