you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
