Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
