blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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