Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
