You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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