billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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