one two three fourrrrnication!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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