My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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